Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

What the duck?!

December 6, 2006

Some time ago i stopped by this site with very funny cartoons: What the Duck.

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The Shepherd

December 6, 2006

This one just came by on email. It’s kind of funny for those in the field, and perhaps not very funny for the rest, but still:

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a
brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a
young man in an Armani suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL
tie (Corb), leans out the window and asks the shepherd:

“If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you
give me one?”

The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his
peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers:

“Sure. Why not?”

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,
connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the
internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get
an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA
satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The
young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports
it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within
seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has
been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database
through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex
formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry
and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out
a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet
printer and finally turns to the shepherd and says:

“You have exactly 1586 sheep.”

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep.”, says the shepherd.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused
as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the
shepherd says to the young man:

“Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give
me back my sheep? ”

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says:

“Okay, why not?”

“You’re a consultant.” says the shepherd.

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”

“No guessing required”, answered the shepherd. “You showed up here
even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I
already knew, to a question I never asked; and you don’t know crap
about my business… Now give me back my dog.”

My favorite joke, in 3 languages

November 25, 2006

Here’s my favorite joke. In english:

A blind guy walks into the kitchen, grabs the cheese grater, and asks:

– Who the hell wrote this shit?!

In portuguese:

Um cego entra na cozinha, pega no ralador do queijo, e pergunta:

– Quem é que escreveu esta merda?!

And finally… in slovenian!

Slepec vstopi v kuhinjo, prime ribežen in reče:

– Kdo za vraga je napisal to sranje?!

Scrat, the Ice Age dude

November 2, 2006

Scrat is one of those characters that, no matter how long i’ve known him, there’s always a smile on my face whenever he shows up. For those that aren’t relating the name to the being, Scrat is the dude with the nut, from Ice Age. What i like most about him is his possessive obsession for nuts and the way his expression ranges from the “poor little guy” to the “flabbergasted dude”.

Last night i was watching a new mini-video with Scrat and decided to share some (no big movies, just clips).

The F word in movies

September 26, 2006

Ok, now that i’ve grabbed your attention with such a showy title, let me start by stating that you won’t find any porn in here. For those that want to keep reading, let’s continue…

Just about 20 minutes i’ve ran through an “article” on Wikipedia describing the List of films that most frequently use the word fuck. This is a ranked list of 95 films (ATM) within which there happens to be the F word pronounced more than 100 times. It also has some nice metrics like the “Fuck Count” and the “FPM”s, or number of F words per minute. Curiosity of all the curiosities, the #1 movie is called “Fuck”. With 6.76 FPMs, that’s more than a Fuck in every 10 seconds!

So i’m thinking “Who the f-word digs a list of crappy movies saying the F word?”. And right next i realize “But this actually has some f-word-ing great movies!”. So some clicks later i’m opening IMDb’s Top 250 Movies of All-Time and looking up the rank of some good-but-not-top-movies. After correlating both sites, i realize that some of the best movies out there actually happen to say the F word pretty often! You may recognize most of them:

  • Pulp Fiction
  • Reservoir Dogs
  • The Big Lebowsky
  • American History X
  • Goodfellas
  • Scarface
  • Magnolia
  • Snatch
  • Platoon
  • Trainspotting
  • Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
  • Raging Bull
  • Casino
  • Boogie Nights
  • Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
  • Shaft
  • 25th Hour
  • Jackie Brown
  • Good Will Hunting

So that’s the lesson for today, it’s all in the F word. That’s what people like! I’m still talking about movies, of course.

Conan O’Brien 2006 Emmys Opening Skit

September 15, 2006

Watch Conan O’Brien as he runs through rather familiar scenes, on his way to the Emmys.